I can guess what I’m going to hear after you all read this:
YOU GAD DERN SOCIALIST COMMI PINKO BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU?!?!?!?
Indeed. How dare I?
My friends, it’s been somewhere in the neighborhood of 70 years since Adolf Hitler set out to conquer Europe. And even though this master of oratory and scapegoating took his own life in the most cowardly way possible, to some of us here in the United States, Hitler is a hero.
Benefit #1: The bogeyman
One of the favorite invocations of Hitler and Nazi imagery occurs on the floor of the most prestigious, learned Congress in the world.
The American Congress.
To politicians, especially conservatives, Hitler is like God: he’s everywhere. Hitler’s in Obama. Hitler is in the entire Democratic party. Hitler is in any and all Liberal movements. Hitler is in women. Hell, if you’ve happened to had a few acid tabs, Hitler is even in your own grandmother.
The conservatives are warning us, America. They’re warning us not to trust people that want to help the poor and disenfranchised, allow homosexuals to get married or raise the wages of low wage workers and women.
The way a conservative tells it, our neighbor to the north isn’t so far removed from Hitler, being that they have a Social Democracy.
And what did Nazi stand for?
National Socialist Party.
That’s right – even Canadians, with their syrup smuggling and general contempt for the
oppression liberation of human beings, who ought have the chance at becoming CEOs and Kings in the land of the free and the home of the brave, are as close to Hitler as you can get.
America, Hitler is right next door.
The Benefit of the rise of Hitler here? He serves as a silent (though very, very loud) warning of what can go wrong when you seek to deny people their rights and force such things as health care and tolerance on them.
Benefit #2: Rhetorical Genius
Another great benefit of the rise of Hitler was that his rise led directly to the ability of Americans (mostly conservatives) to use him as a comparison to people we don’t like.
Obamacare is one of many devastating holocausts the minority of elites had to endure at the iron fist of President Obama. Yet another is secularism.
The worst: evolution.
That’s right. For conservatives, evolution is the holocaust. Every right-minded creationist is being sent to gas chambers and put into work camps for their beliefs. And you know who Obama is using to enforce his socialist agenda on those who are too afraid to challenge him?
Young out-of-work urban men.
At least that’s what Orson Scott, a man who dutifully believes a con artist by the name of Joseph Smith was chosen to develop the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints just because said criminal claimed to have found some golden tablets in the 1800s, as directed by some angel named Moronai.
And you know what? He has a point. This is the exact reason young, militant-minded black men who otherwise have no prospects are arming themselves and taking to the streets to steal sneakers and prosecute gang wars.
It’s all to keep Americans in check.
Did that Republicans “caving on amnesty is like Chamberlain giving Sudetenland to Hitler?” You know, because Hitler was all about amnesty for brown people he didn’t like.
Benefit #3: A Steward of the Democratic Process
Before you all think that I’m crediting only conservatives for the genius idea of invoking Hitler whenever they uncover a threat, they’re not the only ones protecting America.
Al Sharpton, a liberal, is also protecting America.
By showing us that Hitler has even possessed the Republicans!
Win for Hitler! America, the threat is real. Everyone you know and love could be Hitler.
Even your cat Froo Froo could be Hitler. You see how he just looks at you with that contemptuous gaze? I mean, cats are pretty damn socialist, too. Always wanting to “share the wealth” and live off of their masters. Cats are so damn socialist that they expect you to not only buy their food, but for you to put it in the bowl and then convince them that it is worth them eating.
America, Hitler is definitely immortal in the eyes of many of us, and that is most definitely a credit to the greatest nation on Earth.