*Disclaimer – If you’re a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey, E. L. James, the President of the United States, sanity, family values, celibacy or blog posts that are not almost wholly nonsensical, it is definitely not a good idea to read this post.*
And they are fifty shades of PISSED!
Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. Something about some actors and actresses not being the right color or some such. Basically, one is too blonde, the other is too red-head, but the perfect actor and actress are being discriminated against because they’re too short and the dude has way too many muscles yadda yadda yadda.
That’s all I got.
What disturbs me about this whole thing is that everyone is ignoring the most important question…
WHEN WILL 28 SHADES OF BLACK BE MADE INTO A MOVIE?
Certainly I’m not going to sit on my haunches and wait for some Hollywood executive to find sense (and my phone number) and work up the gumption to call me. I’m going to put out a petition.
To the White House.
Now, I know some of you are scratching your heads at that.
But there’s a method to my apparent madness.
And I’m not crazy.
I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to them. Nevermind who they are. It’s not important. What is important is the plan.
The way I see it, 28 Shades of Black contrasts nicely with the White House. Also, the main character is a black man and, low and behold, so is the President of the United States of America. See where I’m going with this? The main character falls in love with a white woman. The president’s mom was a white woman. The main character likes copious amounts of fornication. Out of respect for the president, I’ll go no further. I’m sure you all are creative enough to complete the illustration concerning the proclivities of the main character and his tie-in to the president. For those of you with your minds in the gutter…no. Just no!
This will be nothing but great PR for the president and at a time when the president could use all the great PR he could get – because he made some big deal about red lines and the like with regard to the use of chemical weapons in Syria and now he has to backpedal and pretend that he said no such thing – Damian Black should be a godsend…
I’ve just been informed that 28 Shades of Black is already a movie, and it’s most definitely not suitable for the E. L. James crowd or anybody younger than them. Or anybody that values the remnants of their innocence.
Or anybody at all.
I’ll have to go see about my royalties then.
Or lack thereof…